On fear and sex

Oh, vulnerability.

Sex, whether it’s direct body-to-body contact or online play, is where we expose ourselves. In this month’s Tarot theme post I talked about how to address and surrender to fear, but I want to get a little more granular.

Sex can bring out some of our less flattering qualities. You all know that advice to masturbate before a date, right? It really matters — desire can turn us into dipshits. It can make us selfish, competitive, bitter, dishonest, greedy, callous, and ignorant. All because we want it, and fear we won’t get it.

I’ve already brought it up in this context, but my Guide to the Submissive Mind talks about the relationship between fear and desire. They are inextricably linked, not opposites. When you understand their relationship, you can pursue your desires with a clearer head.

Safely exploring fear in trance

I want to hear your deepest fears in a session, in time. Not to control you, and not to humiliate you with them, but so that I can understand what moves you and construct the path to your desires.

Confession play is a good way to get things off your chest. You should always have a part of yourself that is private, not even shared with your closest loved ones. But all those desires that terrorize you with their intensity, or their impossibility, can be explored in trance.

Triggers, if you respond well to them, can create aversion or comfort. That’s why so many use hypnosis to help with addiction or harmful habits, and why you feel the way you do about my voice. Almost everyone I talk with has something they want that they’re afraid to ask for — and as I soothe them into relaxation, those fears evaporate. They begin to associate it with positive feelings rather than fearful ones.

When I detect a jittery sub, I like to do inductions that ease nerves. This is less feasible if I can’t see you, but I always encourage my subs to be forward and request that I put their minds at ease. That’s what I’m here for, after all.

Why bother with any of this?

For one, your Dominant will understand you better and a deeper connection leads to deeper experiences.

But as it relates to fears, specifically, getting it all on the table should be a liberating experience. You can go forward with a feeling of satisfaction, knowing that your dreams are within reach and you’re in good hands. Talking through fear builds trust. You might find that you aren’t alone in wanting some of the specific, obscure things you’ve been fantasizing about.

The trance, and the ultimate surrender you want, isn’t impossible. But the route there might look a little different than you expected.

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