On alpha males

Every sub thinks their desire to be submissive is enough.

Despite your willingness to prostrate yourself before us, you have a lifetime of conditioning to unlearn. Millennia of male-dominated cultural programming pounded into your head. An entire lifetime’s worth of experience reinforcing your entitlement, your assumptions, and your sense of male identity.

img via tumblr

Some of you are openly submissive. Some of you hide it behind a facade of masculinity. All of you operate within this fabricated paradigm of “malehood,” but it is the latter group that I’m discussing now.

Often new subs will, in the course of their introductions, try and make sure that I know that this is just a special exception for them, and that they’re quite “alpha” in their daily life. The word choice is their own.

More enlightened submissives might say, for example, thay they have to exert a lot of control at work. This isn’t a problem. The difference is that these big bad alpha males really, really need me to know that they’re not really a wussy-ass beta male. It’s really important that I know this before they beg me to hypnotize them into taking my strap-on or before they start crying mid-trance. Because the idea that anyone might think of them as anything other than a domineering, in control, All-American Male™* is utterly terrifying to them.

All I have to do to reveal the fragility of this masculinity is poke at it. Any time someone describes themselves as an alpha male, all it takes is a smirk, an eyeroll, or even a quirk of the eyebrow to send them into a defensive tizzy. Even if they try to maintain their cool, the mere fact that they feel a need to declare and defend their “alpha” status shows how insecure that status really is.

I see men as they really are, even the ones who lie to protect themselves and think I don’t know. I understand the psyches of most men better than they do. And the simple fact that I can send them into a hysterical fit with a single, well-placed “no” should tell you all you need to know about the confidence and strength of these so-called alpha males.

But this isn’t just the observation of a few dommes. The whole concept of the “alpha male” is bad science adopted by sad little men to prop up their egos.

The myth of the alpha male is especially prominent within corporate culture and the pick-up artist cult community, the latter of which is dissected here. It says a lot about our society that we latched onto the concept of the “alpha wolf” as a valid means of social organization, but it says even more that the whole concept is based on outdated, debunked science. In fact, animal behaviorists have found that displaying typical “alpha male” traits is a terrible mating strategy. But I’m not here to give you a science lesson.

Read those cringe-worthy descriptions of killing and mating privileges and think of how many crushingly average middle managers think of themselves as kin to a badass wild predator because they talk obnoxiously loud and annoy women in bars. What is that other than a pathetic ego fantasy? A desperate attempt to encode some kind of power into their identity. Power that they lack because they are weak and insecure on a fundamental level. And most of the time, this insecurity is completely subconscious (or buried even deeper). It’s why they’re so easy to fuck with – – when they hide their insecurities from themselves, they lose the ability to exert control over them.

image by Tambako the Jaguar via Flickr

Self-proclaimed alphas are only useful to me as a temporary source of entertainment, something to poke at until it self-destructs. But many of my subs have demonstrated subtle variations on this unfortunate worldview. Poking around in the dark corners of someone’s subconscious mind has a tendency to dredge these thoughts up. And once I have left my mark on them, you will begin to see them for what they are: lies the ego tells itself.

Your ego will not survive me. Come to grips with that now, if you haven’t.

*I specify “American” because I have only seen American men do this, with one exception (British); however, it is a general Western and increasingly global trend to seek “alpha” status.

One thought on “On alpha males

  1. m says:

    i am a male and find it sad how very true Your assessment is of alpha males. it is ego driven. Wanting to mount rather than be mounted. Even the choice of words which are very sport or military oriented attempt to reinforce alpha egos and ensure continuation of the culture. Sadly reminds me of politics as well.

    Perhaps more visibility and discussion can crack open the door to change. That would be refreshing.

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